Name: bebe11 (Signed) · Date: August 04, 2012 07:49 pm · For: Chapter 1
A lovely entry to this series. I enjoyed it very much.
Author's Response: Thanks bebe! Really pleased you enjoyed it...
Name: Loahisi (Signed) · Date: March 16, 2012 09:47 am · For: Chapter 1
And i officially start my reviews even if I don't know if it will last.
This chapter was very emotional because of what happened in the last one but you manage to bring the sweetness of Luke and Noah in between do its not all crying time. Lol
I also love their banter and the funny time at the end with the nurse.
See you next chapter
Oh and since I lost the thread on Facebook, thanks for the answer about London. It help me.
Author's Response: Hey! :-) My pleasure... I wouldn't want you to miss your flight! And thanks for reading!
Name: panda17jessie (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2012 07:04 pm · For: Chapter 1
good job :)
Author's Response: Thank you ;-)
Name: neddiheht (Signed) · Date: December 18, 2011 06:24 pm · For: Chapter 1
Okay... I sorta hate the first few lines of this. Part of this is just the crazy grammarian in me. "He woke with a start" is really not an exclamation. I want the images firmly in my head. Then I want him to wake. Action, then puzzlement working together to drag me in.
Several of these early paragraphs suffer from pronoun confusion. It's always a problem writing gay couples, but it's not usually so pronounced in your writing. The paragraphs seem... well, less polished than I would usually expect, almost as though you were posting just to advance the story so you could get to something else.
You've also had some fairly consistent than/then confusion throughout... this may be something you elimanate later... it's often hard to catch on a first read, but I noticed it when I reread this section to comment. I'll try to keep an eye out for it in later sections to see if it continues.
The description of noah sitting next to luke, brushing his hair and tucking that one curl behind his ear... that's what you do brilliantly, picking the small details that really drive realism into the story. I can see Noah doing that. It's sweet and tender. It makes me love the character and recognize his love for Luke. Keep doing that.
I love that the boys can't stand to be apart even in the same room and keep crawling back into bed together. I thought the little bits of them playing games in the hospital were cute. The questions from the police about Joshua is some good foreshadowing that you have intentions for that character to continue in the series. And I thought it was really in character to have Lily run straight for Noah (having been prevented earlier by Holden).
I do wonder though... I feel a little like too much of the friendliness of Oakdale's Memorial has been injected into what is surely a very sterile huge LA hospital.
Yeah... grammar... not my strength... hee hee!
I did eventually become aware of the pronoun problem... funny because at the time I didn't notice so much but now when I check my stories I'm always trying to make sure it's clear who's saying or doing what.
I figured the boys are just so charming the nurses can't help themselves! LOL! They have also paid for a private room so odds are they're treated better than the run of the mill...
Name: buttercup (Signed) · Date: June 12, 2011 04:10 pm · For: Chapter 1
Oh poor guys! The suffering they are still going through is heartbreaking. I'm glad they have such understanding nurses, who are there to help them through it, emotionally and physically. It's obvious to everyone how much they love each other.
I wanted a bridge to the next story that showed them dealing with the ordeal... because the show always put them through stuff and then suddenly the next day they are all fine with it! I mean people aren't like that! They get emotionally scarred by these things!
Thanks for the comment buttercup!
Name: comicgirl (Signed) · Date: April 01, 2011 06:50 am · For: Chapter 1
You're really very sweet and I'm so pleased you have enjoyed the stories... I hope you like the rest of the LA Series... It does get a little wild from here on in... Prepare yourself!
Name: daan73 (Signed) · Date: March 27, 2011 10:19 am · For: Chapter 1
they really needed the time to heal psycally and mentally
now they can slowly move on
I wanted to get all the angst over the whole DAD thing out of the way in one go so that we could move on...
Name: Santasorted (Signed) · Date: December 16, 2010 03:20 am · For: Chapter 1
You are an amazing writer! It's incredible how well you capture the love between these two. And they are doing nothing but lying in a hospital room and yet I'm completely hooked by it all... Just lovely...
Name: daan73 (Signed) · Date: November 27, 2010 09:28 am · For: Chapter 1
thank god they survived and got out of it stronger
Name: glori572 (Signed) · Date: November 23, 2010 08:38 pm · For: Chapter 1
this was great. it was so sweet and tender the way they kept ending up in bed together. loved it so much. am hoping for another chapter. a wedding would be nice, as far as i know it is legal still in L.A.
oh, i hope you don't mind but for future reference, it's actually "of course" not "of cause." just in case you didn't catch the mistype.
Hee hee! Oh dear! This is a problem that has plagued me for years! I type really fast (at about 95 wpm) and for some reason I have this nasty habit of dropping the "r" in "course" which makes the spell check change it to "cause"... grrr... Anyway I will edit this!
It's actually funny how careful I have had to be when reviewing these stories. I'm not American and have never even stepped foot in America, so I've had to be really careful not to give myself away in the writing. Like for instance in "Separation" I originally had Luke in the "boot" and then just before I posted the story noticed it and change it to "trunk". Also I think I used the word "petrol" which I'm not sure you use in the States. And in "Recovery" I had Noah land on "Mayfair" and then remembered that you have a different Monopoly board in America and I had to google it to find out what place names I could use!
Anyway you'll have to forgive me if I get things like this wrong!
Thanks for taking the time to review! I wasn't sure of this one so I'm glad to see that you enjoyed it so much!
Name: ficnic (Signed) · Date: November 23, 2010 08:31 pm · For: Chapter 1
Awesome. Can we ask for another sequel? How they end up once they get home -- do they stay in LA or go to Oakdale -- etc? These are all just fantastic.
Ahh! Thanks so much! You'll have to wait and see what happens next...
So will I actually, because I have no idea either! Tee Hee!
Name: snuke (Signed) · Date: November 23, 2010 07:29 pm · For: Chapter 1
lt´s so nice to read your series.
A sequel to marriage please !
You are so sweet snuke! Thank you! I really appreciate your kind comments!